I shared this post a couple years ago and this is still my heart today!
the other evening after tucking the boys into bed, steve came downstairs and said, ‘i just had the most surreal experience. i was telling david to lay down and kissing him good-night and as i looked at him i saw a nine year old boy–no disability. just david. it was like our souls had a connection.’
as soon as he described the interaction the tears began to roll down my cheeks. i knew exactly what he meant–there are times, small moments, when i see beyond david’s disability and into his soul. and i see a little boy stuck in a body that won’t cooperate with him. i see him wanting to speak words and unable to get them out. i see him wanting to tell me something, to ask for something or describe something but there is a chasm between us and it’s too wide to cross.
and sometimes in those moments i let myself dip my toe into the dark, scary pool of what if? what if david wasn’t born with a disability? what if he had ten fingers? what if he could munch on a hamburger and fries at mcdonald’s and begged to play just one more game on the ipad? what if he could imagine stories and tell me all about them and illustrate his ideas on leftover sheets of computer paper?
the truth about ‘what if?’ is, it doesn’t exist.
the truth is, i will never know ‘what if?’
the truth is, david was born with a disability. he has seven fingers instead of ten and he can’t speak words or express complex thoughts. he is a soul stuck in a broken body.
and the truth is, time spent thinking about ‘what if?’ is time wasted.
today i choose to focus on what is. today is a new day with joy waiting to be discovered. today is a new day with mercies waiting to be uncovered. today i am grateful for what is. grateful for an eleven year old who is healthy and silly. a little boy who is curious and loves to explore and learn new things. grateful for my sweet son who loves to cuddle and kiss and be tickled.
what is, is beautiful.
For David, for hope–go find our more about the ‘tied to my heart’ necklace here!
Loved your honesty, especially the “dark, scary pool of what if?” Don’t let myself go there any more–my daughter is 21, severely disabled with CP, and the sweetest girl in the world. But when she was younger, I occasionally had those thoughts and found that no good came from them! God bless you and your family.
Thank you for sharing your story Lisa. I journaled the “what ifs” of my own journey this morning. It pretty much did me in…and then I come across your post tonight.
What is…is beautiful.
Thank you for pointing me to the IS in my journey.
Such a beautiful post, Lisa! And that necklace is truly something special. Also, beautiful!!!
This is a good post for any day of the week. With all the daily stresses that find their way into our lives, it is important to focus on what is important. How lucky David is to have two parents like you. I know you are so lucky to have him in your lives as well. He is a lovely soul and that comes through in even just photos of him.
Beautiful. What ifs and should haves are words that can be painful and stressful. He’s blessed to have parents like you and your husband.
Thank you so much for this, Lisa! I really needed it today. I have been struggling with “If only” a lot over the last two days. Truly a message of wisdom from above.
My heart goes out to you Lisa. You are such an inspiration to me as a mother. You truly are so blessed and wise. Your sweet David teaches us all about the human spirit that words just can’t. Thank you for sharing his story. Lots of love to you all. <3
My heart goes out to your family. It is a true blessing for your son to have such loving parents. I have a daughter who has Williams Syndrome. She is 35 and nothing stops her. There will be pain but it gets less and less. So glad that you have a good support group. My prayers go out for your family. ♥
Pamela Dungan
That is a beautiful story and thank you for sharing. David is such a beautiful little person.
Beautiful post – thank you! I am blessed because my son with special needs is accomplishing wonderful things……….
What ifs are scary. And hard. I look at my son with those eyes sometimes too. And then I look past to our reality. A sweet boy who is loved by family and his teachers. I am so very very lucky.