We counted down the days until David’s birth and waited with anticipation to meet our new son. I could already imagine his bright blue eyes and chubby cheeks. I couldn’t wait to hear him say, “mama’. I pictured him on his daddy’s shoulders as we played at the beach and throwing his arms around me when I picked him up from Sunday school. But the day he was born, all of those dreams fell away and we were left with questions instead of answers. I hadn’t realized I had put so many expectations on this tiny baby.
When David was born, my dreams were shattered. It seemed everything I had hoped for was gone. And in my arms I held a tiny baby, who had only two fingers on his left hand, a major heart defect and a lot of other health issues we hadn’t yet uncovered.
I hadn’t realized I had pinned my hopes on this little boy. And when he was born, unable to meet my expectations, I felt cheated. I was heartbroken. That wasn’t his fault, it was mine.
One of my first steps in grieving was to set aside my own hopes and dreams, and love this little boy. This precious, amazing, little boy who desperately wanted to be held and loved and cherished. And as I forced myself to hold him and kiss him and touch his little hand, I felt a spark ignite. A new hope began.
I began to hope that this little boy would know how truly and deeply loved he is.
I began to hope that he would grow and thrive and find joy in living.
I began to hope that I could be the mom David needed me to be.
I began to hope for peace even in the midst of a heartbreaking situation.
For me, life is a daily journey of letting go of unmet expectations, embracing the imperfect, and learning to hope in a new way. Sometimes it’s raw, often times it’s broken, but I can tell you honestly, it’s so much more beautiful than I expected.
Thank you, David, for helping me find a new, more pure and more lovely hope. You are so loved.
Love the bouquet charms and everything wedding!
David is truly blessed to have you for his mama!
Thank you for this. So much.
We are currently facing the diagnosis process for our son. We know his future will look different than we imagined and know find ourselves having to learn how to deal with when he is teased and questioned about things that are beyond his control.
Thank you for the encouragement to let go of our own created dreams and to embrace the beautiful life and new dreams that come with our wonderful little boy.
What a lovely post…what a lovely heart you have!
Dear Lisa….I didn’t know where to write this and this is the only place I saw to write a comment. I just received the necklace I ordered for my Daughters Birthday…I am very pleased but in the picture I saw a pearl on the chain with the dog tag and was kind of disappointed that is was not on the one I ordered. I didn’t remember seeing anything where you could order that extra so I assumed that it would be on there. Her birthday is Aug. 22 so I don’t think I have time to do anything….I was excited about doing this for her and to see it ..Thank You Marilyn Sancya
Thanks for your honesty. It’s so refreshing to read your words and sincere thoughts. Means a lot!!!
xoxo
Thank you for sharing your heart so openly. My older sister has Williams Syndrome and we celebrated her 43rd birthday this week, a birthday that almost didn’t happen due to a major illness this spring. As a sibling, it was also a letting go of expectations process for me. I had to let go of my wish that she could ever be the “normal” cool big sister. What a gift God gave our family when He chose us to be hers. She has taught us so much about having a childlike faith and always seeing the good in people. My perspective now as an adult is that she is the “normal” one not constrained by the world’s expectations and can freely love and have faith. Thank you for the inspiration, Lisa, to continue embracing the imperfect.
Thank you for sharing your heart beauty! And for being so open with your journey and your feelings as you processed everything new in your world. You are incredible and your family is just remarkable!
xxo.
Wonderful story! Absolutely wonderful…
This brought tears to my eyes! Thank you for your beautiful words and stories. There are so many similarities between your David and my Abby – my CdLS sweetie. Our little ones touch our lives in ways we never even imagined. How truly blessed we are!
This absolutely made me cry! Life gives us blessings which aren’t always “perfect” according to lifes standards however they are! . Thank you for sharing. He’s a beautiful boy and I’m glad I can share in your stories.
I love when you talk about how David changed your world. I know it’s not always the journey you would have picked, but you and your sweet boy have blessed the world far beyond what you could ever realize 🙂
you are amazing. thank you for sharing lisa.
Every word you wrote rang true in my heart. Our daughter was born with Down Syndrome and we did not know in advance. I was heart broken but at the same time felt guilty for not being happy. Fast forward to now, 6 years later, and I can see where Gods fingerprints are all over her little life. What a joy she is and I can’t imagine life without her, exactly as she is. Dani (my girl) and David are not handicapped, they are differently abled. We are two blessed mama’s!
Getting tears in my eyes here on the other side of the world… I have sò much respect for the way you’re handling this, for the way you share it with all of us! You truly have an amazing family, lovely to see how you cherish it.
What a beautifully written insight to your heart. It brought tears to my eyes, a warmth to my heart, and a smile to my face. It made me realize that hope can come by changing one’s perspective. Thank you for sharing.